Author Topic: To all the Newbies !!!! (Read 2179 times)

sst4life · « **on:** Nov 29, 2007, 06:39 PM »

JOKE WE NEED A JOKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep it clean though this a family enviroment..........

Out4Trout · « **Reply #1 on:** Nov 29, 2007, 06:45 PM »

Hillary as president.

I'm sorry, that was a dirty joke.

sst4life · « **Reply #2 on:** Nov 29, 2007, 06:46 PM »

Quote from: Out4Trout on Nov 29, 2007, 06:45 PM

Hillary as president.

I'm sorry, that was a dirty joke.

Hey she did a good job the first eight years she was in office

jimmygunns · « **Reply #3 on:** Nov 29, 2007, 06:48 PM »

What about domestic violence jokes???

What can you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice!!!

stickle · « **Reply #4 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 07:37 AM »

how to know you are from New England

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in New England .

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England .

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England .

If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England .

If you have switched from "heat " to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in New England .

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England .

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England .

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England .

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England .

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England .

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in New England .

If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends & others, you live in New England .

dirk327 · « **Reply #5 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 07:41 AM »

Nice Stickle, so true!

FloatinWoody · « **Reply #6 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 07:49 AM »

Keep it clean Eh?.. well.. That limits me quite a bit..

How do you catch a unique Rabbit?

Unique up on it of course!!

maineduckhunter · « **Reply #7 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 08:06 AM »

What's a Pirates favorite fast food.................. ..........

Arrrrrrby's

dadstacklebox · « **Reply #8 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 09:15 AM »

rich81 · « **Reply #9 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 09:18 AM »

Quote from: FloatinWoody on Nov 30, 2007, 07:49 AM

Keep it clean Eh?.. well.. That limits me quite a bit..

How do you catch a unique Rabbit?

never heard that one before i like

Unique up on it of course!!

ifishhi · « **Reply #10 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 09:25 AM »

stickle, that is awesome

mainefishaddict · « **Reply #11 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 09:26 AM »

whats the difference between a woman from aroostook county and a moose?

50 pounds and a flanel shirt!

yukoncornelius · « **Reply #12 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 10:03 AM »

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his belt

The bartender says "Hey, you've got a steering wheel attached to your belt!"

the pirate responds "Aaaarrrgghh - and it's driving me nuts!"

slammer6500 · « **Reply #13 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 10:43 AM »

Quote from: sst4life on Nov 29, 2007, 06:46 PM

Hey she did a good job the first eight years she was in office

If she did such a good job, then why was Monica Lewinsky needed???

Doofy · « **Reply #14 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 11:11 AM »

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Alabama, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning,dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Maine girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher,and telephone a landscaper.

Poppa · « **Reply #15 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 11:25 AM »

Then how do you catch a "tame rabbit?"
The "tame" way of course!

Oh God,Do we need ice or what :embarassed:

Doofy · « **Reply #16 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 11:37 AM »

Michale Jackson was seen shopping at Walmart for a Black Friday super sale...........boys pants were 50% off. I'm not a big fan of him either.

Wellsy · « **Reply #17 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 11:55 AM »

Quote from: stickle on Nov 30, 2007, 07:37 AM

how to know you are from New England

Sounds like a piece Jeff Foxworthy did on upstate NY...He needs some new material anyway.

Did you hear the French government is having a sale on military rifles.
The advertisement read "they have only been dropped once"

Whats up with the Jackson jokes???
how can you tell Micheal jackson has company for dinner?
There is a tricycle parked in the driveway.
When is it bed time at Micheal jacksons house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.

pikeking · « **Reply #18 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 12:16 PM »

A polish guy is ice fishing and hears mumbling from far away, looks around sees nothing. keeps jigging away,
A few minutes later he hears it again, looks up, is that you God?, no answer! back to jigging,
A little while leter hears it again real low, get off the ice, looks up again, is that you god? no answer again, still jigging,
A few minutes later hears it again, GET OFF THE ICE!!! looks up again and says it again, is that you god? this time he hears,
NO IT'S ME THE ZAMBONI DRIVER!!!
I hope you like it, Pikeking(((((FLAG)))))

imajeep · « **Reply #19 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 05:14 PM »

pirates were sailing on the open seas, when the man up in the crows nest hollars"Cap, theres a brittish ship on the horizon!"
the capitan says to the first mate, Get me my red shirt...
the mate says, ok cap, but why?
he replies, That way if im hit in battle, my men will fight on..

the next day the guy up top hollars, Cap, theres 3 brittish ships on the horizon!!
the cap calmly responds, Get me my red shirt!

the third day the crows nest hollars down, Capitan- theres 10 Brittish ships coming right for us!!!
the cap hollars, "Get me my brown pants!!"

dirk327 · « **Reply #20 on:** Nov 30, 2007, 05:51 PM »

Quote from: mainefishaddict on Nov 30, 2007, 09:26 AM

whats the difference between a woman from aroostook county and a moose?

50 pounds and a flanel shirt!

I think I might have tinkled a little after reading that....that was great!

rich81 · « **Reply #21 on:** Dec 01, 2007, 12:51 AM »

Quote from: dirk327 on Nov 30, 2007, 05:51 PM

I think I might have tinkled a little after reading that....that was great!

tinkled??? very manly luke.... very manly... LMAO just joking. now go grab a beer and commence burping farting and scratching immediatley

nitro04106 · « **Reply #22 on:** Dec 01, 2007, 09:45 AM »

man you guys crack me up......... i`m glad ice is on the way i hate to see this thread goto 10 pages.....

rockhound57 · « **Reply #23 on:** Dec 01, 2007, 10:04 AM »

Quote from: Doofy on Nov 30, 2007, 11:37 AM

Michale Jackson was seen shopping at Walmart for a Black Friday super sale...........boys pants were 50% off. I'm not a big fan of him either.

yeah, but the punch line was that he was arrested for vandalism after trying to get them the rest of the way off!!!

rich81 · « **Reply #24 on:** Dec 01, 2007, 10:53 AM »

(in my best mike jackson voice) heee heee billy jean not my lover hoooo

News:

Author Topic: To all the Newbies !!!! (Read 2179 times)