Author Topic: Roast of Squatch with Herbs and Aromatics  (Read 2483 times)

Offline uncleshorty

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Roast of Squatch with Herbs and Aromatics
« on: Mar 05, 2021, 11:25 PM »
Here at La Casa del Whacko in beautiful downtown Spring, TX, just across the sewage canal from the creosote plant we sho ‘nuff enjoy a wide variety of the four basic food groups; them groups bein’ beans, bacon whiskey and lard…

But sometimes we gits a taste fer sum pin outa tha ordinary.  And that’s where our champion comes in. 

We gots a National Treasure and whirled wide celebutante livin’ right mongst us.  Two doors down from Our Lady of Perpetual Lunacy and opposite the Wiggly Piggy grocery emporium is Ajax’s Radiator Repair and Drive Thru Daiquiris.

Of an afternoon you’re likely to find Ajax Broussard sittin’ on the broke down old davenport he keeps under the car port next to the drive thru line.  Ever day from 2 to 6 Ajax personally checks the quality of his product, (no, not the dern radiators, now hush!).  But Ajax is no ordinary drunk. 

Ajax Broussard is a life member and former High Muckety Muck, Head Guru and HMFIC of The Amalgamated Squatch Watchers of America.

Now he don’t like to brag, but just mention the Hominidae Magnipus  to him, step back and let ‘er buck.

*** Disclaimer:  Please, please, please be very, very, very careful when you go out Squatch Watchin'.  I done warned ya now.  So’s iffin ya goes out and has an “incident” it ain’t my never mind.***

Ajax, through years of experience has become an expert on surviving encounters with East Texas Woods Apes.  He says the MOST important thing he’s learned is that there is ONLY ONE WAY to consistently bring down a Squatch.

You have to kick it in the shins. 

That maneuver drops them like they've been pole axed.  Ajax says if you have an “encounter”, (that’s what the professional Squatch Watchers call it.), try to get a picture.  But you have to be quick. 

Most amateur Squatch Watchers don't know that the members of the genus Yeti, (a cheap foreign imitation of a Squatch…)  have cloaking jeans that render Squatches and their related species invisible to human beans as soon as they hit the ground…

That's why there are no pictures of dead or down Squatches.

So be safe out there.  Listen to Ajax and wear your Squatchin' Boots EVERY time you go off the pavement.  You'll thank him when you avoid having an anal Squatch baby in about nine months...

And by all that’s holy, if yer gonna swim where there’s gators wear a jock strap.

Roast of Squatch with Herbs and Aromatics


3-4 lb boneless Squatch roast trimmed of as much hair as possible
2 large onions, sliced
8 oz fresh mushrooms
12 oz carrots washed peeled and cut into 3 inch pieces
1 cup celery diced
3 lbs red potatoes quartered.
1/3 c flour
salt & pepper
1-1/2 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp dried parsley
1 qt Squatch stock
1/4 c bacon grease or lard

Heat the grease.  Flour the roast.  Brown on both sides.  Remove to a plate.  Add more bacon grease if needed.  Fry the onions, celery and mushrooms over medium-high heat for 10 minutes or so until softened and onions start to color.  Add the rest of the flour and stir.  Add the stock.  Stir until a smooth gravy forms.  Add the roast.  Bring to a boil then simmer for an hour.  Add the taters and carrots, bring to a boil and simmer for a half hour or until the meat is tender.

Can substitute beef if’n ya ain’t got Squatch…

Uncle Shorty
The German Cajun

“I wasn’t born in the Big Sandy Creek Unit
But that’s where my ashes will lie.”
Ice fishin' & turtlin's all I crave...

Offline bogtrotter

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Re: Roast of Squatch with Herbs and Aromatics
« Reply #1 on: Mar 27, 2021, 09:33 PM »
Well written piece.  Kudos!


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