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The Briefing The Dept Of Defense briefed the president this morning, they told OBAMA that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq . To everyone's surprise, all the color drained from Obama's face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears. Finally, he composed himself and asked, 'Just how many is a brazilian?' Now that's funny - I don't care what side you voted for.
Country PreacherAn old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.> Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. > One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.> He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:> a Bible,> a silver dollar,> a bottle of whisky > and a Playboy magazine> 'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself, 'when he comes home from school this afternoon,I'll see which object he picks up.> If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard,and, Lord, what a shame that would be. > And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum.' > The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. > The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.> With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.> Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. > He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. > He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold.> 'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered, 'He's gonna run for Congress!'
Toilet Pain A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minuteslater, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!" "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles." With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!!
Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom, I stop at a rest area and head to the restroom. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you? ' I ' m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don ' t know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin ' just fine! ' And the other person says: 'So what are you up to? ' What kind of question is that? At that point, I ' m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I ' m like you, just traveling! ' At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 'Can I come over? ' Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them 'No..I ' m a little busy right now!!! ' Then I hear the person say nervously... 'Listen, I ' ll have to call you back. There ' s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions Cell phones, don't you just love them
one day a guy decides life is too much for him, he's always told his wife he wants his fishing stuff to go with him when he died, so when he left the house crying and carrying his gear, his wife feared the worst, she calls the police and they immediately send out several search teams, around three hours later, she gets a call from the chief who is breathing heavily, "ma'am," he says, "we found your husband." the wife, very distraught by this time bursts out sobbing, "where did he die?" "oh he isn't dead," replies the chief, "right now he's fighting a big fish and we're helping drill a bigger hole, by the way, a great christmas present would be a gas auger!"
You're An EXTREME Redneck When..... 1. You Let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night. 5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.' 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 9. Your junior prom offered day care. 10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. ' 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
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Topic: JOKES!!!! (Read 63307 times)
