Ice fishin humor

[doey]

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip.

She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and
equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment
had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed
her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she
was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice
from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this
certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she
stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was
extremely careful to set everything up perfectly -- tools in the
right place, chair positioned just so, everything.

Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that you
Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skating rink!"

[Jenk]

You guys hear about the two idiots that went ice fishing?  
Yeah, they caught 20 pounds of ice and drowned trying to fry it.  

[vancouvercanuck]

All good!!  

[wisconsinboy]

ha, that is a good blond joke.

[Iceshanty]

Two guys go on a ice fishing trip in Northern Wisconsin. They rent all the equipment: the auger, the jig rods, the tipups, the carhart suits, the snowmobile, and even a cabin on the lake. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing they don't catch a thing. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men finally catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

"Wow!" says the othe guy "It's a good thing that we didn't catch any more!"


 

[HIMO]

hey scott that was really funny. I know two guys who could fit that profile.

[TGF]

3 guys were sitting around the campfire at night after a few beers. One was a hunter, one was a softwater fisherman, and the other was an icefisherman. The hunter starts bragging saying "I was up in Alaska fighting grizzlies with my buck knife" He then holds his big knife up to the firelight.The softwater fisherman not wanting to be outdone says "Ahh heck, thats nothing. Why I was down in the Everglades killing aligators with my bare hands" He then holds his hands up to the firelight. The icefisherman never said a word. He just sat there poking the fire with the end of his *****. 

[TGF]

Was fishing at a local lake and had to have a bowel movement. Judging by the feeling in my sphincter, I knew I wouln't make it to shore so stepped a bit away from my hole and let her rip. BIG MESS came out. No one else around. Conservation officer shows up 30 mins later. I spot him coming my way so I toss my ensolite pad over the products of my bodily functions so as not to be embarassed. He arrives and asks to see my lisence and to look at the fish I caught. After that he says "And what exactly do you have under here?" while he was lifting my pad. "OH CRAP" I explained. I think he thought he had me. He left after that episode.
Next week I see him at the icefishing derby and he is heading my way. I ask him if he needs to see my lisence again, he says No but asks me if I know where the washrooms are.
True story

[the Wizard]

Somthing simular happened to me: I was fishing with a friend and he says [I got to go no 2], [and I ain't going to make it to shore]!!   I told to slide his hut over about 20 yard  and do it inside, flip up and bring your hut back. So he did just thatand kicked snow over the pile.  A guy we knew came out saw the spot were a hut had been and figured there must have been a hole allready drilled , before we saw what was happening, he tried to kick the snow from the hole.
      SUPRISE!! You should have seen that expression!  

[Fat Boy]

A drunk was out ice fishing one day watching his jigging rod, rigged with a minnow, over a hole while drinking shots from his flask of whiskey.  He notices that several yards away this woman shows up, pulls a hand auger out of her home made sled and cuts a hole in the ice.  She sets up her Vexilar and marks a fish.  Already having several rods rigged up, she scampers to pull out an HT ice blue ultralight combo, rigged with a size 12 orange/glow Marmooska jig tipped a couple maggots, and drops the lure down the hole.  After stripping her line from her reel and letting the lure fall to her selected depth, she gently jigs the rod and raises it ever so slowly.  All of a sudden she stops, takes her eyes off the Vexilar and watches her rod tip.  The rod tip barely moves and she sets the hook.  Within seconds she ices a slab 13" crappie.  
 
She catches a few more big crappie as the process goes on for about 10 minutes.  The drunk can't stand it any longer.  He walks over to her, checks out the 5 nice fat crappie flopping on the ice, looks back at her sled, walks behind her somewhat and watches her fish finder as she tempts another slab.  He then comments to the woman,
 
"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was equally intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her ice fishing gear and the fish on the ice, then glances back to the drunk.  It bothered her because there was nothing particularly unusual that could have tipped off her drunken observer to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she replied, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct, I am single. But how on earth did you know that?"
 
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

[grumpymoe]

went on a 3 day fishing trip with 2 brother-in-laws to a secluded lake. all goes well until the younger inexperienced one asks where the washroom was. i pointed out a fallen log in the bush and passed him a roll. he looked at me puzzled and said "there's no washrooms out here?" believe it or not, he held everything until the monday to leave when we got to the nearest town. (he's now my ex-brother-in-law) my sister saw her bad judgement get a good chuckle every time i think about it.. same trip-same guy-tried to figure something he could do, so we gave him breakfast cleanup-asked where's the soap--no soap-go to the lake and wash out with sand and cold water--he's gone for over 1/2 hour-so we go to check on him and he's walking back up to the campsite- his hands are coal black from trying to clean the outside of the coffee pot-man did we laugh

[alpinehigh]

That was a good one kevin but true storys are funny than fiction.
I went out fishing with a bunch a guys last year on the ice and one guy new to icefishing didnt catch anything all day but seen everyone else catch a big northern pike. HE asked us "how do I catch a big northern?" we told him "usually bigger the bait, the bigger the fish"
Well next year we went out, and we all set our lines. We look over at our buddy and he has a 8 foot spinning rod set over his ice hole and the rod tip is bending down.
We asked him what he had on. He pulled up his line and he had on a hook spreader with a 8 inch porkchop on each hook.
Of course he didnt catch anything but I forgot my lunch and I almost bought his "bait" off him.

[dachmation]

Hey FATBOY: The drunk must have been single also 'caus a married man would know better. Thats a good way to die.  Especially with an unknown quantity.
LOL
Mike

[howey1176]

Last year while fishing on Blind Sodus Bay, NY I was having leftover chicken wings for lunch. Afterwards I dropped the bones down my most unproductive tip up hole. Within two hours after that I had caught three pike out of that hole. Two were keepers, so I brought them home and filleted them up. Thier bellies were full of chicken bones . Thought that kind of funny. They were the only keepers I caught day.

[missfishylicious]

maybe we should be dippin our minnows in hot sauce  

[firsticerules]

ha ha ha i'm fallen over laughin.
my dad was telling me that laughing is a good way to loose weight but i think he was being sarcastic .

[howey1176]

Missfishy:

Hot sauced minnows or tying a chicken bone to a hook .

Don't know if thats legal though. My luck, I would try it and find out the hard way it wasn't legal .

[Fishinut]

LOL, I'll have to try dumping chicken parts down all my holes, since none are ever productive. LOL

[DIRTBALL2]

_vancouvercanuck- Your picture looks like me trying to wake my wife in the morning!  

[Mike P. Sheahan]

I went out the other day and was sitt'n on the ice for half an hour with no results.

Then this kid shows up and I swear he had his line in the water less than five minutes when BAM he had a nice one on the end of the line. Over and over this kid just kept pounding the fish.

Well after fifteen minutes of watching this kid haul in the big ones, my curiosity was bursting, so I stroll over by him and asked him what he has on the end of the line.

He reels up line, and pulls it out the hole, and what do ya know, he's using the same worms I'm using.

So I say to him, "Whats the big deal kid? How are you nailing all these fish?"

The kid turns to me, and I get a good look at him and realize he's a bit messed up in the head, 'cause he has this wierd look on his face, and he says, "MEW HAM MA MEEP MA MUMS MARM!".

I looked at him with one eyebrow raised, and he says again, "MEW HAM MA MEEP MA MUMS MARM!".

He sees me staring at him with complete confusion written all over my face, and then spits a handfull of fresh maggots into his hand, and says in plain english, "You have to keep the worms warm!"

[burdo]

then theres one about  a bat and a can of peas

[pot-belly-perch]

  8) well now i got to storys all true

well I was going to fish with my son in wisconsin we were there I guess only 2 weeks @ out camp so my son knows how dad loves to fish hour after hour  & so I didnt know this  for years  my mum told me LOL so dad  wont  have to pull the boat in & to drive to  the camp  my son  LOL bless his heart  he might read this post LOL I never know where he is now   He He .. poped  a few pills of kayopecktate so he wouldnt have to go #2  LOL
ok there ya go  #1  true story

#2  ok we open fish  & ice fish  it just so happen to be open water so that means  pot-belly- bass gets to sleep in & pot-belly-perch  gots to drive & wake up @ 2am  so I can be at his place @ 4am   so now I am driveing got to  pee so bad  so I pull over & I do it up  trying to get it done & all of a sudden  I see headlites heading to towards me & I  guick get in my truck  & leave the site  & it oneida county sherriff he turns around & I say oh sh... he is going to stop me  so I pull over he said what are you doing over there I said I am draining my radatator & he said you got trobl.. with your radatator  I said ok  now  I was takeing a pee  he said ok  take care bye  have a good nite
 #3 story   true   I was in open water fishing with my buddy pbb and I caught this huge northern pike & got it in   it was from my waist down &  i said pbb please open the livewell  so the pike saw the live well I had my both hands around it body & got loose & went out the back of the moter & I went after him & landed  in the livewell my pot belly was so stuck tight in there it was very hard to get out    so you see true storys  are very good because it comes from the heart

Steve   8)