What's your question???

[esox_xtm]

Are serious questions forbidden or just strongly discouraged??

It's a Hotline Sir. We are here to serve you!    You ask, we'll answer.

If you go back to the beginning and catch the drift of this whole thing the intent was on the silly side. There have been a few, what I would consider, serious questions that I have addressed appropriately. The query from perchnut struck me first as serious and then as an opportunity to be a little goofy.

So the short answer to you: No and no. Thanks for calling Ice Fishing Hotline! 

Next question.

[hays47]

Although the IHS has not asked me. I offer free of charge the following advice. Answers provided by IHS might not prove to be the answer given by those in charge (your boss aka wife ).

Reason I know this to be true. Wife asks in August any idea what you want for Christmas ? I am 71 she is 68. After a lifetime of buying gifts every year. There is nothing left to buy. Anyway I digress hope you are still awake.

My stock reply is I could always use something for ice fishing. Her stock reply is I just came from your (8&%$#@! ) fishing garage. You don't need anything remotely connected to fishing.

So my question to IHS ( finally ) . WHY DOSE SHE ASK ?

[SirCranksalot]

So if serious Qs are allowed, here's one----Why do farts follow you(or more correctly, me) around after the fact. Can't just perk 'em in a corner/

[esox_xtm]

Although the IHS has not asked me. I offer free of charge the following advice. Answers provided by IHS might not prove to be the answer given by those in charge (your boss aka wife ).

Reason I know this to be true. Wife asks in August any idea what you want for Christmas ? I am 71 she is 68. After a lifetime of buying gifts every year. There is nothing left to buy. Anyway I digress hope you are still awake.

My stock reply is I could always use something for ice fishing. Her stock reply is I just came from your (8&%$#@! ) fishing garage. You don't need anything remotely connected to fishing.

So my question to IHS ( finally ) . WHY DOSE SHE ASK ?

Because she really doesn't get it. Really. That and looking at your accumulated "stuff" she can't possibly fathom what she could find that you might actually want. She'd really like to surprise you but you've made that impossible. I used to leave a list of very specific "wants". Brands, sizes, colors, weights, etc. She'd use it but didn't like it because I'd always "know" what what coming. Never a surprise. Give up man, this is one you can't win.
 
Our reply to her "stock reply" would be:



To address your comment highlighted above: We already knew that. You are (or at least should be) asking the question for you and our reply is for you and no one else. If you've allowed your significant other to join the Shanty and they know who you are or (worse yet) share your login, you're on your own and there is no hope for you. No disrespect to those that have done this or any significant others that may be reading this reply. To put this all in perspective please refer to this: https://www.iceshanty.com/ice_fishing/index.php?topic=348485.msg3710926#msg3710926

Next question.

[esox_xtm]

So if serious Qs are allowed, here's one----Why do farts follow you(or more correctly, me) around after the fact. Can't just perk 'em in a corner/

That answer lies in the physics of air movement. You fart and stay where you are the fart stays with you. Busted. You fart and move away. The negative air pressure created by your movement allows the fart to occupy that negative space and seemingly "follow you". Busted. You'll never "park" a fart unless it's in the same space as you are. Sorry, that's just the way it works. That said there are lotsa ways to have fun with farts but that's another question and you didn't ask it.

Next question.

[maddogg]

If I fly faster than the speed of light can I see myself behind me in the rear view mirror?

[esox_xtm]

If I fly faster than the speed of light can I see myself behind me in the rear view mirror?

Really only a hypothetical scenario since nothing has ever been observed that travels faster than the speed of light. IF this were the case you would see nothing in the mirror as your theoretical speed would be faster than the light from the image in the mirror. An interesting question that wonders if anything at all might be reflected and what it might be. Notice how we phrased a potential question as a statement as to not hijack your original question 


That said, IF you could actually go that fast you better watch where the heck you're going and forget about the rear view mirror.

Next question.

[SirCranksalot]

That answer lies in the physics of air movement. You fart and stay where you are the fart stays with you. Busted. You fart and move away. The negative air pressure created by your movement allows the fart to occupy that negative space and seemingly "follow you". Busted. You'll never "park" a fart unless it's in the same space as you are. Sorry, that's just the way it works. That said there are lotsa ways to have fun with farts but that's another question and you didn't ask it.

Next question.

Oh, udunno---that one does not pass the smell test. Where did you study physics, at the Julliard School?

[Eyes R Bitin]

So if serious Qs are allowed, here's one----Why do farts follow you(or more correctly, me) around after the fact. Can't just perk 'em in a corner/

Leading to a question I’ve pondered for some time.  At -20* breath turns to “steam” when you exhale. That’s a given. If you fart in a similar setting, does you butt steam?

[stinkyfingers]

That answer lies in the physics of air movement. You fart and stay where you are the fart stays with you. Busted. You fart and move away. The negative air pressure created by your movement allows the fart to occupy that negative space and seemingly "follow you". Busted. You'll never "park" a fart unless it's in the same space as you are. Sorry, that's just the way it works. That said there are lotsa ways to have fun with farts but that's another question and you didn't ask it.

Next question.
[/quote
Air movement dynamics may also somehow inform why campfire smoke follows me in most ambient air conditions no matter where I stand, even in a gentle breeze. The only benefit I've found is that it disguises me from the mosquitos but at the cost of burning eyes and hacking coughs. Any remedies O Wise One? Also, is there a method to get a certain class of flatulence to somehow "adhere" to an innocent bystander while you casually wander out of range of suspicion?

[esox_xtm]

Air movement dynamics may also somehow inform why campfire smoke follows me in most ambient air conditions no matter where I stand, even in a gentle breeze. The only benefit I've found is that it disguises me from the mosquitos but at the cost of burning eyes and hacking coughs. Any remedies O Wise One? Also, is there a method to get a certain class of flatulence to somehow "adhere" to an innocent bystander while you casually wander out of range of suspicion?

I've heard the cigars I enjoy described as "a certain class of flatulence" but it works on flying pests for me. Regarding the actual campfire smoke, you're at the mercy of Mother Nature and the prevailing thermals, breezes or winds.

As  for dumping gas on innocent bystanders I've had good results with putting on the "stink face" while sidling away looking disapprovingly at the intended victim. Their innocent look comes across as insincere and you're off the hook. Trouble is you're still in the neighborhood and discussion can ensue. Especially if there are only the two of you. Good luck with that.

See also: https://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Spray-Stink-Smelly-Stinky/dp/B01G2R9LNG/ref=asc_df_B01G2R9LNG/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=309804208987&hvpos=1o3&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6591153207923369369&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9018747&hvtargid=pla-553997671627&psc=1

Next question.

[stinkyfingers]

[quote author=esox_xtm link=topic=348485.msg3999016#msg3999016 date=1568820655

 
See also: https://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Spray-Stink-Smelly-Stinky/dp/B01G2R9LNG/ref=asc_df_B01G2R9LNG/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=309804208987&hvpos=1o3&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6591153207923369369&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9018747&hvtargid=pla-553997671627&psc=1

Next question.
[/quote]
That's certainly a good value on Stem Club's version of "Fart in a Can", though many purists will turn their noses up at the thought of some flatulent wannabe trying to foist off any scent other than what Mother Nature has blessed us with. There's an argument to be made, however, in favor of the battery powered fart machine, also available on Amazon. YouTube has several excellent videos showing one in use at a Walmart by a true master of nonchalance. Also good for lightening up a dreary Thanksgiving dinner as my niece once demonstrated.

[OldSailor]

Can a bald man get dandruff??

[esox_xtm]

Can a bald man get dandruff??

Yes. Don't ask how I know.

Next question.

[SLAYERFISH]

Yes. Don't ask how I know.

I think that's seborrhea or psoriasis.

[stinkyfingers]

I want to try portable holes this season. How many of the 8" model will fit in a five gallon bucket? How do you keep them all from falling through the bottom?

[DLB]

I want to try portable holes this season. How many of the 8" model will fit in a five gallon bucket? How do you keep them all from falling through the bottom?

OOO...OOO  I know...Let me answer...an air hook of course.   

[esox_xtm]

I want to try portable holes this season. How many of the 8" model will fit in a five gallon bucket? How do you keep them all from falling through the bottom?

Hey stinky, are we a little forgetful? You were going to order these 2 years ago and had some concerns.

This year I've invested in some portable holes to save the labor of hauling out an auger. What's the best way to carry them out onto the ice? They just fall through whatever I put them in. 
Thank you.

Here was my reply:

Don't worry about it. UPS or FedEx won't be able to hang on to 'em either so you'll never get 'em. Keep looking for options.

Next question

Please note the date...

Seriously stinky, this ain't gonna happen. If the vendor can find 'em to ship, shipping service doesn't lose 'em, you'll never find 'em when you want 'em and if you actually get to fish with them... Just use your imagination when you go to pick them up 

IFH also supposes you had imaginary friends when you were little. 

Next question.

[tater140]

Just found this thread... i love it.

How do i get my ropeless anchor back?  Im beginning to think it was a gimmick.

[esox_xtm]

Just found this thread... i love it.

How do i get my ropeless anchor back?  Im beginning to think it was a gimmick.

Well if it started out ropeless, P.T. Barnum said it, "There's a sucker born every minute". You
may be proof of that. However, IF it started out WITH a rope and became ropeless that's a different issue altogether.

#1 - Learn to tie a better knot. Heaven knows if you've lost an anchor how many fish have been subjects of "quick release".

#2 - A strong magnet on it's own rope may be useful for retrieval if you know the exact location. I once rescued a spud from 14 FOW like that.

Lastly, if you really bought into a "ropeless anchor" we have vacation land in Florida for sale or a wonderful bridge in Brooklyn. Make ya a smokin' deal on a combo package! 

Thanks for calling Ice Fishing Hotline.

Next question.

[Chris338378]

Why is brass threaded counter clockwise and all other metals are threaded clock wise?

[Agronomist_at_IA]

If the atom is basicly 80% empty space. And everything is made from atoms.....why don't we fall through the earth if it is made of atoms that are 80% empty space.

Also if a neutron star is basicly made of atoms that have been compacted to be close to o% empty space and a sugar cube of its matter would have the mass of Mount Everest.......why the heck are we using tungsten jigs ice fishing yet.

[esox_xtm]

Why is brass threaded counter clockwise and all other metals are threaded clock wise?

Not sure what you're asking here Chris. I've got a box full of conventionally threaded (righty tighty, lefty loosey) brass machine screws and nuts and another box with several brass plumbing fittings also with a right hand thread. The steel screws that secure chucks in my power drills are all lefties.

Based on our experience, unless you can be more specific, the IFH answer must be they are not.

Next question.

[esox_xtm]

If the atom is basicly 80% empty space. And everything is made from atoms.....why don't we fall through the earth if it is made of atoms that are 80% empty space.

Also if a neutron star is basically made of atoms that have been compacted to be close to o% empty space and a sugar cube of its matter would have the mass of Mount Everest.......why the heck are we using tungsten jigs ice fishing yet.

Goody... science questions! 

A.) It's not just atoms Agro. Those little bits of mass link or bond together to form molecules. Most everything we interact with in the universe occurs at that molecular level hence no "falling through an atoms' empty space".

B.) You can already imagine what's gonna happen here but we'll lay it out for you. A sugar cube is approximately 0.465 inches on each edge. A quick volume calc using the equation v = a3, where a = the edge, comes to 0.1005 cubic inches. A 3mm ice jig, let’s call it a sphere and not account for the hook, using the equation Volume = 4⁄3 × π × 1.5³ has a volume of 14.1371 cubic mm. Since one cubic inch equals 16387.1 cubic mm our sugar cube is comprised of 1646.8999 cubic mm. Divide that sugar cube to see how much of that might be our ice jig leaves us with about 116 3mm ice jigs crammed into that sugar cube of space. This assumes that said jigs are not left spherical but compressed so their matter occupies the equivalent space of a sugar cube.

 Now, here comes the magic. The estimated mass of Mt. Everest (thanks to Al Gore International Library) is some 357 trillion pounds. That’s 357,000,000,000,000 pounds! If you had only one 3mm ice jig made from something of the density of that neutron star (remember all that mass jammed in a sugar cube?) we’ve got to divide that big trillion number by 116. That leaves us with one single 3mm ice jig that weighs some 3,077,586,206,897 pounds!

Short answer to your last question: Because you can actually carry an assortment of tungsten in your pocket but you couldn't even carry one made of neutron star stuff.

Next question.

[esox_xtm]

Leading to a question I’ve pondered for some time.  At -20* breath turns to “steam” when you exhale. That’s a given. If you fart in a similar setting, does you butt steam?

Almost missed this.

Your butt won't but the fart will if you expel it directly into the cold air. See also other examples of steaming bodily waste, both solid and liquid. Additionally, if you add an open flame, the answer is yes, they do burn.

Next question.

[ActiveTrapChecker]

Are doughnuts standard or metric?

[hays47]

Are doughnuts standard or metric?

My answer to this. Doughnut  batter made with standard measures i.e cup,tablespoon ,pinch would result in Standard doughtnuts.

So the reverse doughnut batter made with metric measures would result in Metric doughnuts.

Personally when working with someone who asked for something in metric terms. I never knew wether I needed a thimble , a gallon bucket , a wheelbarrow , or a semi to deliver it.

The OFFICIAL answer may deeply defer from my prattle.

[tater140]

Would you rather have legs as long as your fingers or fingers as long as your legs?

[perchnut]

speaking of doughnuts.......the best I ever had was a fresh out of the oven and frosted apple fritter at a Timmy Hortons up in Canada when we were up there ice fishing....it was sub zero, Fahrenheit , and it was oh so good....but alas, I am now off of doughnuts, and am going to make some keto friendly sausage gravy this weekend....

[Muggsy]

Oh Wise One, why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?