Author Topic: Hillbilly Stories (Read 4989 times)

Stinkybaits · « **Reply #30 on:** Dec 19, 2014, 06:21 PM »

OK stop!!!!! This thread is killing me. Bad idea lol!!!'

DanO2013 · « **Reply #31 on:** Dec 19, 2014, 08:34 PM »

Quote from: cclfak on Dec 19, 2014, 05:43 PM

I give! I give! LOL As soon as I posted that comment I knew I was going to regret it LOL. Glad there are some guys on here with a good sense of humor.

LOL !! good to see you have a sense of humor as well!

Jig_Head · « **Reply #32 on:** Dec 20, 2014, 02:54 AM »

Hahahahaha!!! My new favorite thread of all time. Sorry gravel pit. Great stories guys

Beets · « **Reply #33 on:** Dec 20, 2014, 05:27 PM »

Good stories Keep them coming.
I go to Pennsylvania every Thanksgiving and take my wife(then girl friend). We have a great set up and ALL the trimmings,lots of friends.
In the middle of the table there is a cup and in the cup are coondick toothpicks. Exactly what it is!
My brothers,dad and I are cleaning our teeth with them and my wife leans over and grabs one.
She looks at one,picks it up and starts to clean her teeth.She looks at me and says it looks like a bone and I say it is a bone.
She asks what bone and I said a coonsdick. I said it fast so it didn't click right away.
Shes says a whats dick?I said a raccoonsdick is a bone and we sharpened them to a point.
There went thanksgiving dinner all over the sink.We had a good laugh.
She no longer goes to PA. with us for Thanksgiving.

Stinkybaits · « **Reply #34 on:** Dec 20, 2014, 06:22 PM »

missoulafish · « **Reply #35 on:** Dec 20, 2014, 07:23 PM »

Jigmup · « **Reply #36 on:** Dec 21, 2014, 06:49 AM »

Pretty darn funny and gross Beets. You might want to do some creative editing though so it can stay otherwise...well, its probably going bye bye.

crappieslayer37 · « **Reply #37 on:** Dec 21, 2014, 07:08 AM »

Two hillbillies sitting in a bar talking about their moonshine operation when one looks over and sees a woman choking. He runs over and asks ma'am can you breathe? She shakes her head violently no!! He then says can you swaller? Again violently shaking her head no. He then licks her behind and out shoots the projectile. The man goes back over to his seat and sits down. His buddy looks at him and says "ya know I always heard of that there hindlick maneuver I just ain't seen it done yet!!!!

Stinkybaits · « **Reply #38 on:** Dec 21, 2014, 07:12 AM »

Coonbaculum! Some other ideas according to Hillbilly Lore..

"A southern custom says that, if a man wants to win a woman's heart, he should boil a raccoon baculum, tie it to a string, and give it to his sweetheart as a necklace."

"Gamblers also carry a raccoon baculum wrapped in a twenty-dollar bill in their pocket for good luck!"

The first one might make for a great Christmas gift! I'm not so sure about the second one. It sure wasn't very lucky for the coon!

wallin · « **Reply #39 on:** Dec 21, 2014, 07:29 AM »

HHMMM sounds like you boys done met some of the Family.
I got rlatives that still get water from the creek or (CREK) as they call it.
Its in Missoura on the Arkansas line in the Ozaraks. No running water in the house-they finally dug a ditch from the spring towards the house so they don't have to walk as far to get it. Good folks that I would rather be with than anyone else-lets just say

they got their own ways- and they live off the land.

Fish_Tko · « **Reply #40 on:** Dec 21, 2014, 08:04 AM »

Quote from: Jigmup on Dec 19, 2014, 02:39 PM

TKO...this was supposed to be about Hillbilly's we know!

Lol...hillbilly in all of us

teardrop · « **Reply #41 on:** Dec 24, 2014, 02:42 AM »

My mother was from Kentucky, so as a kid my family always spent two weeks in the summer down there (down home) was what mom would call it. Anyway, my dad being the northern river rat that he was, promised me and my two older cousins he would take us down to the pond below my Aunt and Uncles house swimming, Aunt Lula belle and Uncle Farley (real names and if I'm lying I'm dying). Well any ways Uncle Farley tells dad that he didn't know if that was a good idea or not, and dad asked him why? All Uncle Farley did was just shrug his shoulders and says suit yourselves. Next day we all go down to the pond and jump in, I guess I was about eight years old and my cousins were a couple of years older than me. Well we swim around for about five minutes, and my one cousin looks at his arm and theres this leach about three inches long already attached. Well to make a long story short we all get out and from shoulders down we are covered with them (I bet I had at least 30-40 from my neck down to my feet). We go up to the house and Uncle Farley was sitting on the porch smiling, Dad asked him why he hadn't said something about leaches and Uncle Farley says, "I said it weren't a good Idea, but being the no it all from Indiana ya wouldn't listen". Those were the most words I ever heard him say in one sentence, and he lived to be 88. They were practical, soft spoken people, very honest and godly. Aunt Lula Belle was the best cook ever (the fried chicken MMM good).

Stinkybaits · « **Reply #42 on:** Dec 24, 2014, 03:03 AM »

Egads on the leeches. Love the names!!

Piggyn · « **Reply #43 on:** Dec 26, 2014, 08:06 PM »

About 3 years ago one of my buddies went down to southern Indiana to hunt whitetail. He ended up getting one and brought it back using a Kentucky cooler. Basically, he lined the back of his Blazer with trash bags, loaded in the deer, and dumped a couple bags of ice on it. By the time he got back up to Fort Wayne it was dark, but the deer was still cold, so no issues there. However, he didn't realize how much of the ice had melted and leaked under the trash bags and soaked in to his cloth interior. He didn't drive that vehicle for a few days, which gave the dead deer water plenty of time to funkify his truck. We went fishing together before he had a chance to clean his truck, and wow! It was truly awful, but after about 15 minutes in the truck you didn't notice the smell too much.

mricefish · « **Reply #44 on:** Dec 26, 2014, 10:32 PM »

Want to keep an eye on this thread lol some great stories guys.

wallin · « **Reply #45 on:** Dec 27, 2014, 07:30 AM »

So who knows the morel of the story?
2 hunters go into the the woods in the middle of winter, 3 hrs later they come across each other and 1 hunter has no gloves lol.
Are you a true Hiller as I call them lol.
Fill in the blanks lol, and we'll know LMAO.

Jigmup · « **Reply #46 on:** Dec 27, 2014, 08:10 AM »

Quote from: wallin on Dec 27, 2014, 07:30 AM

So who knows the morel of the story?
2 hunters go into the the woods in the middle of winter, 3 hrs later they come across each other and 1 hunter has no gloves lol.
Are you a true Hiller as I call them lol.
Fill in the blanks lol, and we'll know LMAO.

Does a fat "Hiller" ____ in the woods?
Haha!

Jigmup · « **Reply #47 on:** Dec 27, 2014, 08:43 AM »

West Sister overnight and the mayfly hatch!

PJ gives me a ring and says "hey lets hit Saginaw Bay for some trophy walleye trolling" Of course I had my gear ready in about a half hour and we hit the road. We caught a lot of fish that were giants. Heck we had them hittiing down riggers so hard that they would rip the bodies off of the plastic lips on what we were using (Bagley Killer B's). We both caught one in the mid 10 pound range with mine being my personal best at the time.

After an afternoon of that, PJ says "lets put this boat on the trailer and back track to Erie". I'm thinking two world class walleye fisheries in the same weekend...heck yes, so we pointed her south! After waking up, seeing a sign for 7 mile road, explaining that we missed our turn and getting chewed out for the navigator taking a nap, we got back on course and finally made it to Meinke Marina.

After gunning just south of the shipping channel we set up and limited in no time and it was getting late in the day when PJ said, "hey lets just anchor down next to West Sister and spend the night. We can fry some fish, heat up some pinto beans and fry some tators and then hit it again in the morning". Sounds like a plan right? Keep in mind that we had been battling a mayfly hatch all day with those flying nemesis's playing kamikaze with my dome all day!

Any way, PJ is frying tators while I am orgainizing the boat after one particular sheephead decided to wreak havoc on a crankbait box and distribute cranks all over the back half of the boat. Out of my periphial vision I see a monster mayfly land in the potatoes and PJ looks over at me and sees that I am not looking directly at him, contemplates it for a second and then takes the spatula and does a little dice on the critter. I'm thinking ah just a little protein added to the mix. Then a couple minutes go by and another one lands in it...same thing, and then another and so on! At this point I'm starting to get all

thinking about the proportion of potatoes to mayfly's so I just stare at the chef and wait. Of course he is oblivious to the fact that I am aware of his secret ingredients so when the next one lands in the pan and he gives it a chop and then looks at me and sees me staring at him he says, " What, its just a mayfly". I tell him, "its not that freaking one I'm concerned about"!

We had a brief laugh, ate some grub and retired. The next day was hot with us limiting and heading for home before noon.

Next up: Special Tennessee flavored coffee

spring bobber · « **Reply #48 on:** Dec 27, 2014, 03:27 PM »

Not really a hillbilly story, but definitely a hillbilly saying:

There was a time we were ice fishing a small lake that doesn't get too much traffic, and most of the time we fish there we are the only ones out there. Me waxy and Slab were sight fishing for bluegills in our shanties because we needed them to block out the light. All the sudden we hear someone hacking away at the ice with his hatchet close to where we are fishing. No big deal, he didn't say a word to us and we didn't say anything to him, we just kept fishing.

Some time goes by and then whatever waxy or slab (I don't remember) ate for breakfast wasn't quite agreeing with him. Needless to say he lets one rip, and its loud enough for all three of us plus our guest to hear. Naturally we all chuckled, then our mystery man chimed in:

"And here I thought it was too cold for Frogs!" And we all just started dying laughing. Needless to say, that 'frog' would croak a few more times before we headed home.

wallin · « **Reply #49 on:** Dec 28, 2014, 07:31 AM »

Quote from: Jigmup on Dec 27, 2014, 08:10 AM

Does a fat "Hiller" ____ in the woods?
Haha!

LMAO, I just knowed you was a HILLER to boy lol.
And yes he does.
Fish-On

marmooskapaul · « **Reply #50 on:** Dec 28, 2014, 08:38 AM »

Me, cousin Mike and uncle Kedrick, were ice fishing Westwood ..late 80s early 90s?? Back when we still used wooden ice fishing sleds with lantern or charcoal under the seat. Mikes bic lighter was too cold to work...so he sticks it in his box to...warm up..Few minutes later....KABOOM!! Mike was rolling on the ice with the crotch blown/burnt out of his Bass Pro Shops polyester snow suit. White poly insulation all melted. Once we realised he was ok..we joined him on the ice ...layghing our a$$ off.
No family jewels where injured in this episode.
Paul

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Author Topic: Hillbilly Stories (Read 4989 times)